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Isolated

Posted on: March 2, 2012

Had quite a tough day with A yesterday. He seemed so unsettled & we’ve been having connection troubles with our internet so we couldn’t watch Mario on youtube!

We played in the garden – then I took him upstairs for quiet time – still unsettled I decided to take him for a walk.

When we go out for a walk I always give him the option of actually walking or going in his pram – dependant on what he chooses is how far we go – A is reluctant to hold hands, he will in quiet environments that don’t offer much/any distraction.
Where its busy he just wants to run around (so he goes in his pram) A has no sense of danger, it was only the other day he let go of my hand to get to his Dad & was going to run straight across a busy road, luckily I caught him.

If its not busy and there’s no one around he’s quite happy to hold hands – usually.
So its good where we live in a quiet area as we go for walks practising holding hands just up and down the street.

Yesterday he chose his pram and I was relieved – as he was in such a bad mood.

A in his pram is like a sat-nav in a car, he must direct the way.

He directed me to the park……

I get so anxious approaching the park especially on nice days where there is bound to be people on.
We hadn’t even got through the gates and we where getting disapproving looks from parents, sniggering & whispers. The park was quite crowded – and I just turned back and walked out.

Why did I do that?

Well I’ve been in that position many times in the past, we go to the park, A sees a child – A goes over & he doesn’t know how to play with children properly but he wants to touch them & ‘hug’ them and chase them. Most children don’t like this, which I understand – but A doesn’t understand why they don’t then I get dirty looks off parents and I explain A has Autism and he has social and communication difficulties. – They don’t care & ask their children to stay away from him & then watch A’s every move as though he’s dangerous or has a contagious disease.
They make you feel like your doing something wrong – like you shouldn’t be there. They make you feel isolated. – I shouldn’t let it but it makes me so upset, how do I explain to A how were better off not mixing with these ignorant people so that’s why Mummy doesn’t take you to the park.
If these parents have these attitudes then god help their kids. Awareness is so important but we will never live in a world where everybody understands or where nobody judges you and every one is welcome.

People judge before they know our circumstance – and even when they do – most couldn’t care less – its not their child.

I get funny looks & get sniggered at because I’m pushing a 3 and a half year round in a pram – a special needs pram – which he needs to be in for his own safety incase he has a meltdown or we’re near busy roads – not because he’s lazy!

I was having a bad day yesterday, I was so tired and feeling frustrated for A as something was bothering him and I didn’t know what. Maybe I should’ve still gone onto the park – but I don’t think it would’ve helped my day.

I wish I could say to those women, and for other people that stare and judge me or laugh at me & my child – that how dare they do that? I dare them to do the same after spending just a day in my shoes.

It makes me think is this just a taster of what’s to come?

Please share your experiences below – the more awareness we get out there the better – people need to be aware of such situations – so next time they are at the park, or a shop – they can have more consideration and think twice before judging us.

L x

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13 Responses to "Isolated"

How sad for you and A. I get looks all the time because they judge I don’t know how to deal with my children. They don’t understand the situation I am in. People should stop judging each other and show some compassion.

Totally understand how you feel. As my son gets older his syndrome is more noticeable in terms of his behaviour, but people just think he’s a naughty/silly boy as its not physically visable. X

I know how upset you were L. But you did the right thing. As parents of kids with SN if we KNOW a situation will cause a problem/meltdown we do what we can to avoid it. For me and K it’s elevators. K will try to push all the buttons and so help anyone in the way, adults or children. We have had to wait 1/2 hour once because the elevator had too many people in it. But I knew he would push and shove anyone near him to get to those buttons. So I avoid it. We wear the ribbons and try to spread the awareness, but are people actually listening?

Hi everyone
People are very very ignorant towards conditions like these, all my 5 children are on the autistic spectrum and also having facs syndrome, days out are very challenging and we get looked at. You just have to have in your mind, these people dont matter to you, you are bringing up your children the best way you can with difficult circumstances. If it was the other way round would these ignorant people be doing it as well as you. It is upsetting and Ive spent many days crying but your the bigger person. Keep smiling people x x x x

I have been in that situation so many times. It’s awful, the looks you get from other parents are the WORST. As if having a child on the autistic spectrum isn’t hard enough, we also have to face judgment from people who know nothing about our situation just assuming that we are lazy, our kids are lazy or just don’t know how to behave. On top of all that your heart gets broken in pieces every single time your child gets rejected by other kids because your child wants but doesn’t understand the whole social compact.

All you can do is focus on your child, do the best you can with him or her and as much as possible try to shut out other people’s ignorance. They don’t know or understand your situation, I try to take comfort from that.

Do know you have a whole community of people here that are willing to listen, feel free to unload.

Sending you and A a huge hug!

We shouldn’t have to feel like this, but we do. Curse of the invisible disability. I blogged about my similar experience “prejudice in the park” on http://bluecrisps.wordpress.com with the most ignorant mother refusing to take any explanation. It really does effect you. Until more awareness is raised it will happen, I’m sorry it happened to you and Alfie on what was already a challenging day.

I agree with you on that we shouldn’t let other people make us feel like that but a bad day is just that – a bad day.
Start fresh again in the morning.
I know how you feel as I get my neighbours and their kids saying stuff about my son but it’s their problem not mine.
All it is is ignorance on their part. You can explain it a million times to people and most of them don’t give a crap.
I’m at that stage where I don’t feel like I even want to justify my sons behaviours to those people because they are too ignorant and they don’t understand. They never will unless it’s their kid.
Here’s to better days eh?
x

I don’t know how to fix any of this, but I do know how you feel. My son (aspie) is in 3rd grade and his oddities are so much more pronounced now (I don’t think kids noticed much before this year). I coached his basketball team and watching the other kids react to him was enough to make me go home and cry after practice. It wears a person down. I hope you can find some understanding people and children to befriend your son.

My son is 11 and I have to hold his hand still if we are anywhere near traffic. Just recently he got distracted and almost walked in front of a car too and I grabbed him just in time. I also have problems with him hugging other kids. I am nervous that he will hug the wrong kid and get punched. I want to scream when I see those stares of disgust. Like he has a contagious disease.

we used to feel like this all the time as my lil’ one Thomas doesn’t play like other kids and enjoys doing stuff by himself rather than interect. He woukd cause a fuss if he can do stuff he likes to do e.g open and close the park gate, or go past the doctors without going in. Weird stuff but that is him, people woukd stare at him as he cried in his pram and for a 2 1/2 year old he is bigger than most 3 year olds in height and build people must believe he is lazy and not unaware of danger. It has now come to it that if his is creating a fuss and getting annoyed or throwing himself on the ground i just let him get it out of his system and then continue on with our business and if anyone looks, comments or sniggerx i ask them if my son’s behaviour is a problem and they usually go away after that.
Feel bad that you felt you had to leave all i can say is F**k them they have no idea what you are going through and what a challenge Autism is on a daily basis.
Again your blog is a fantastic insight and is helpful to know we aint the only ones.
Charles (@hall632)

My son is 21 in a few weeks and by now we have learnt to cope with other peoples attitudes towards him, I really do not care what other people think about him anymore, I do not explain when he misbehaves or behaves inappropriately when we are in public places. I have learnt over the years that no matter what you say to people they will never know what it is like to have a child with autisim unless they have one thereselves. If people dont like the way my son behaves then move away or look away. I have heard every comment and remark you could possibly imagine, my skin is so thick now a blow dart would not penetrate it. This only comes with time, the situation never gets any better I have just learnt to cope with it. I would not change my son for the world he is the most loving and caring person I have ever met and would have 10 of him over some of the teenage louts that are about nowadays. Every single day is an almighty struggle for him just to get through the day and what other people think about him just does not register on our scale anymore.

My little girl has the same problem she sense no danger the other day the delivery man came and she just ran out the door str8 the streets my heart stopped cuz i thought she will be hit lucky i managed to catch her the last second.
but i think god is watching and shielding them from danger

@fshouman

I agree a lot with what Sandra said, having a 13yr old most of the stares & comments go over my head. Although if someone continually stares I usually return that stare until they stop! Don’t stop taking A to the park if you & him both enjoy it, as long as he isn’t stressed, we parents can learn to deal with it. You’re doing a good job with your blog, Lauren.

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