autismmumsdads

So much love to give…

Posted on: February 13, 2012

I just wanted to share with you my experience of Autism & affection.

We are always kissing & cuddling A, & telling him we love him, he doesn’t always appreciate it though, and more times than not he will pull away – this is hard because there’s nothing you want more as a parent than to feel the love from your child.

When he will let us cuddle him though its one of the best feelings in the world.

We always encourage affection between A, and his family members, he loves his cousins the best, always going in to ‘hug’ them, even if most of the time its for sensory integration its nice to see & they love to ‘hug’ him back.

One moment I wanted to share with you was with A’s great grandma. We ask A to give a kiss & squeeze (cuddle) to her whenever he see’s her.
Yesterday he went to give her a kiss & squeeze and as usual he was acting from instruction & couldn’t wait to get away. A short while after I was talking to his great grandma & she was in tears as she said A for the 1st time in his 3 and a half year life had looked her straight in the eyes, and in her words she said that in her 80-odd years of life she had only ever seen ‘that look of love’ twice & she told me how she had prayed once he left the room that one day he will get his speech & he will be able to tell her that he loves her.

A is progressing everyday & beginning to understand more & copy more words/sounds. I know A has a lot of love to give, I know he loves me & his Dad & now I know that he loves his extended family also & that’s a great feeling. I just want to echo his great grandmas hopes that one day he will be able to tell us that he loves us – & I am sure he will.

If anyone reading this has any stories with regards to Autism & affection please comment, I’d love to read them & I’m sure others would also.

L x

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6 Responses to "So much love to give…"

I am so thankful that K’s Down Syndrome overrules his Autism when it comes to affection. DS kids are usually very affectionate, Autistic kids are not. But K loves to hug and cuddle, but only with us, usually. A couple of weeks ago he gave his Nanny a kiss for the first time! She almost cried! K uses kisses to say please so if he wants something he will lean in for a kiss. He loves to give me a hug and he rocks back and forth in my arms, like we’re dancing. Sneaky kid knows how to melt your heart!

When J was 2yrs-ish I stopped taking him to playgroups etc other than his SN nursery as I couldn’t bear hearing his peers chatting, it used to make me cry – everytime. As a retail manager I couldn’t isolate myself from other children completely and every time someone brought a comparable size child to J into the shop I couldn’t stop myself asking their age, just so I could use this ‘marker’ yet again to have a mini pity-party and feel just so frightened for J…. Speech therapy for us was vague and not entirely useful until the day I had the extreme pride/embarassment of ‘reporting’ J’s first proper clear word…. I have tweeted about this before so please excuse me for repeating myself (irony!!!)…. In my defence I was assembling a flat pack unit to store J’s toys, I found I also took for granted at that time that J wasn’t really listening…. he was…. using a crap screwdriver I slipped – hurt my finger and swore… this beautiful little voice echoed behind me…. So J’s first clear word – ‘bollox’!!!

Also as a sensory thing I used to hold J’s hand to my heart to feel it beat, I always told him it’s all my love in there for him, I know he couldn’t understand back then but now he’s 10yrs he always says ‘all my heart’ in return to my ‘ love you’s…..

BTW lauren I just can’t thank or hopefully support you enough for doing this blog, if only there was something like this years ago but thank god you’re here enlightening, sharing and helping other ASD parents now xx

I’m on a comp today not phone, so can reply more.

I echo what chelleyesblu says about the blog, I wish I had something like this to read years ago, M was DX at 3, he’s now 11. As I keep saying its like reading my own story back then and hearing my own words :-), so hopefully I can give insight into what the future may be like now my little one is 11. Our boys are so similar at 3, for us it was the hardest time the early years, all M did was scream and point. The fears, worries and happiness you have now, was so similar for us.

M has always been affectionate, so no, not all Autistic children are not affectionate. I know I drive him nuts cuddling him and telling him I love him, but he will say back “Love you too”. When he was young I taught him to answer by pointing to my eye (I), pointing to my heart (Love), pointing to him (You), holding up 2 fingers (too). He loved that, and we still do it for fun.

What a lovely moment with A’s Great-Grandma, you must have been so proud and emotional, I would have :-). Everything you do, is right for your boy, and its really heart warming to read, he’s such a lucky little boy.

M too is happiest with his cousins, they just accept him for who he is, it does get more challenging as they get older though, as the others grow and change and M still wants to play his “stuff”, it can get tricky, but bless em they do so well with him. His big sis (my step daughter) is 18, and is very patient with him, it can be hard for her as she has to come second too many times really.

Back then at 3/4 we found with M he could sing before he could talk, and also loved numbers, apparently singing is a diff part of the brain from speech, so we incorporated it into everything, sang lots of everyday activities, with pictures, and counted everything, we must have looked bonkers in shops sometimes, singing and counting a shopping list lol. For us pictures were the best thing, we used to photograph everything, family members, their houses, McDonalds, Sainsburys, and we could show him the pictures to warn him where we were going, and keep language to a bare minimum. I’m sure people thought we were so rude to M, but it was easier for him, eg. “Max car” or “Max coat on”.

For the past 8 years I have used this ASD form support website, its fab, got me through lots of things, and statementing, just other parents of ASD children, and ASD people themselves, so full of help and support http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/.

Well best off and do some work, catch u again soon, and keep it up.

Jo

Lovely and sad post Lauren, so nice of your grandma to experience that and I understand about the look, I’ve seen it twice from Will and it’s a look like none other! It’s getting me a bit teary now, its what every mum wants to know and feel from their children xxx

I am sat here with tears in my eyes and for once struggling for words to write. The other comments are humbling too – all I can say is a big thank you for including me in the loop.

R give lots of cuddles and hugs, most of which are sensory but now anf again, he does give you ones of those hugs you know is genuine along with a wee kiss. It is moments like that which break your heart and make a bad day so much better!!

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